veronica

killingboys @ 2004-09-20T01:59:00

2004-07-20T06:05:05Z

If you have any further questions concerning my live journal posts, I would highly suggest you come to me with them. Apparently I can't post anything without my words being taken out of context, and people making assumptions. Things are so completely fucked up, and if I'm not the one telling you personally about my life, then assume you aren't deserving to know anything about what's going on. Thats one assumption you can fucking count on.

raw emotion...

2004-07-19T07:09:36Z

I wish things were different with us. I wish that you cared enough to just pick up the phone and comfort me during these times. You never want to talk to me, and whenever you do talk to me all we do is argue.I don't know if I can just hang in there any longer. I don't know what I'll do. I still wake up every morning devestatingly sad at the fact that you aren't there for me to wake up to. I cry myself to sleep every night just wishing that you were there to hold me and tell me I'll be just fine, that we're in this together. I have so much going on right now, and you were the person who would make it better. I wish we could have that again.

This is just so fucked up.

2004-07-11T05:26:04Z

I am terrified, and you are the one person that I need.Since you can't be supportive, I suppose I'll have to be okay.I'll adjust to you not being here for me, but it won't be easy.I just can't do what you ask of me. For you to ask this of me, you're being very selfish. Its really sad, but I think I might be better off.

killingboys @ 2004-07-01T05:35:00

2004-07-01T09:38:23Z

I hope you are happy.

I feel really sad about everything.

2004-06-25T10:43:21Z

I really hate the way I feel right now. I have so much shit on my mind and nobody who cares to listen to me. I just want these feelings to be over with. I just want to be happy, I can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I can't remember the last time I felt secure with myself for who I am. No matter where I go there are the same problems, and nothing can seem to make me happy. I don't feel loved.

killingboys @ 2004-06-24T21:04:00

2004-06-25T01:20:00Z

Its kind of funny how you can sit there and talk shit about me, then delete my comments to your entry.What did I blow up your spot? Andrew you are so fucked up it isn't even fucking funny. You just told me the other day that you still love me. So don't fucking sit there and point fingers at who is playing mind games. If you loved me you wouldn't need to seek sexual attention from stupid ass bitches. You are a whore, and thats why I left. You can't expect me to stick around and allow this to go on. You are one of the most selfish people I have ever met in my enitre life. If you are going to call me a psycho stalker ex girlfriend then maybe you shouldn't call me, or tell me how you still care, then get on the computer and have it be a whole different story. I found a letter from when we lived at my parent's house And these are your exact words:"I need to stop hurting the ones that I love because I only end up hurting myself even more". You also said " I don't know how to handle a love this deep, I have never loved anyone like I love you". Damn right you don't know how to handle your feelings. I just can't afford to have to suffer the consequences of your actions anymore. I can't trust you, you lie right to my face. You are constantly putting me down, and you know for a fact you could never find another person who would put up with any of your abuse for as long as I have. You are going to realize the hard way that there will never be another person out there who you could care for you Like I do. Never. You make me sick to my stomach.

killingboys @ 2004-04-26T01:43:00

2004-04-26T05:35:19Z

I feel like an orphan child dropped off at someone's doorstep in a basket.I really want to die. Guess who can't even be here to comfort me? Well, would it suprise you if I said? It's okay, I don't need anyone. I really should be used to this by now. I'm done with being there for people who don't give a shit. Fuck this, and fuck you. I'm done. I give up. I wonder if I can handle another night of drinking alone.... I fucking hope that I drink myself unconcious. I have never felt so abandoned in my life. I just want to die. I will never ask anything from anyone for as long as I live. Not like its that long anyhow. I won't even give anyone the chance to fuck me over ever again.

killingboys @ 2004-04-05T03:22:00

2004-04-05T07:23:58Z

You are a fucking prick.Way to avoid me all fucking day, asshole. I hope you are having fun. I fucking hate you.

killingboys @ 2004-03-18T09:23:00

2004-03-18T14:35:58Z

I just want you to be happy. I wish I could be the one to do that for you. There are so many things I want for you, and know I will never be able to provide them for you. I remember when I used to please you, I feel as though I have lost my ability to do so anymore. I wish that I knew exactly what to do or say. What happened? I wish you could look inside of me and see how much I desire to satisfy you, I wish I had the means to. I wish you could see how deeply I care for and love you. If I were to lose you my heart would turn to ash.

killingboys @ 2004-03-04T01:32:00

2004-03-04T06:33:41Z

haha did you like that last entry miss veronica jeanne? this is your (hot) sister. i hope you LOVE the layout. i love you! you can delete these if you want, i just thought it would be WAY cute if i left a little message to you!<333 xto the izzo

killingboys @ 2004-03-04T01:30:00

2004-03-04T06:31:43Z

I LOVE IT IN THE ASS. hahaha!

killingboys @ 2004-02-26T20:25:00

2004-02-27T01:21:06Z

♥Andrew and ♥Veronica

Will adopt many evil kids.
Can't stand to watch television when the time is right.
Are like two peas in a pod, but not genetically.

Orchestrated by ianiceboy

Hahahaha

2004-02-27T01:13:58Z

punk rock. 1-10 scene points. way to go, you drink
outside of shows lots and make the rest of the
scene hate you.

how many scene points do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

killingboys @ 2004-02-16T18:54:00

2004-02-16T23:56:31Z

Yes...I am very much alive. I'd rather not be. This love is a terminal illness.In the end its going to kill us, well me at least. You are half way out the door to something new, ready to move on.By you moving on this means me moving out.Good bye.

grrr.....

2004-02-15T22:30:54Z

I hate my job. I have to work an 11 day stretch.At least I get out of work a bit early tonight. I hate feeling like I'm wasting away at that place. I wont be complaining when I get my pay check tho. So it turns out that its not that bad.

Shit...Im white.

2004-02-13T00:46:33Z

How WHITE are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

killingboys @ 2004-01-28T16:59:00

2004-01-28T22:02:10Z

I wish you could be here for me, but you're not.

killingboys @ 2004-01-24T17:13:00

2004-01-24T22:13:20Z

My father just informed me today that the drummer of judas priest got arrested for molesting a 17 year old boy with downsyndrome....which dosen't really suprise me.hahah

too much cough medicine

2004-01-20T21:23:01Z

I hate being sick.I'm such a wimp.I feel really bad for Andrew because he hasn't been able to get a good night of sleep with me coughing all night.Its really funny that as much as I can't breathe I still chain smoke.I don't want to work today, but its not like Im going to call in or anything, I have dick for hours as it is.I want to see my family. I had a dream that I was at home and I got to play with maddison <3.I have been having really weird dreams lately,like 10 different dreams a night.I had a dream that Andrew was humping some broad,and I beat the piss out of her.Then I threw her down the stairs and fist fucked her in the ass then I cut her throat.Then the cops showed up and put me in rehab.WEIRD

I'm grumpy when I'm sick.

2004-01-16T06:23:36Z

I want to feel better right now, I mean i do feel a little better and I'm not coughing as much.All I did most of the day is sleep, that and the tea are probably why I feel better.Its so cold oustide of the bedroom,our thermostat reads 60 degrees but its like 70 in here.So I turned on the gas oven to get things warm.I layed on the couch and read my book for a while, its Lullaby and its by my favorite writer..Chuck Palahniuk. I was also chain smoking and drinking black coffee by the pot.I am really miserable when I'm sick,and I feel bad for taking it out on you =( You know that I love you.I just wish that you could understand not to take it personal.I'm glad that I have today and tomorrow off, so hopefully I can feel better before going back to work.I cleaned the shit out of my apartment, but its getting messy again,so I better pick up and do some dishes,I would like to keep this place more clean.Its kinda hard to keep up with all the boys coming over here and drinking and what not...but I don't mind too much.Kat stayed here for a couple of nights, I wish I didnt have to work as much so we could have more fun.She helped me clean and I made her breakfast.She also left me a note,which was very thoughtful.Kat is a sweetheart<3.I'm very lonely right now because Andrew is sleeping.I'm going to go lay next to him and cuddle.

killingboys @ 2004-01-12T06:27:00

2004-01-12T11:25:39Z

01 name: Veronica Totten
02 if there are 3 wells (love, beauty, and creativity) and you could only drink from one of them, which would you choose?: love
03 when you have problems who do you run to?: Andrew,my family
04 which finger is your favorite? Andrew's
05 what is the most disgusting food you have ever eaten?: not dogs
06 would you kill someone?: yes, then I would dispose of their body by grinding them up and feeding them to their family discuised as meat loaf.
07 if yes, why?: Any reason
08 if you were making a movie about yourself, who would play the lead?: a man dressed as a woman.
09 do you like your handwriting?: its okay
10 who are you most jealous of?: nobody really.
11 what kind of person do you want to marry?: Andrew
12 what is your favorite color?: hot pink,black, red
13 what do you put on your sandwiches?: tofurky and vegenaise
14 if you were another person, would you be friends with you?: yes
15 are you a daredevil?: no
16 have you ever told a secret that you swore you wouldn't repeat?: no, but I acidentally said things that I should have used my own judgement not to say.
17 who do you think is the most attractive person you talk to? Andrew
18 do looks matter to you?:yes and no
19 do you pray?: never
20 have you ever met anyone famous?: no
21 do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: I want lucky charms
22 what do you do to prevent anger?: I don't try to prevent it
23 who is your idol?: Andy Warhol
24 who is your second family?: Andrew's family..since I never get to see mine, And my kids..D, nick, and aj
25 do you trust others easily?: no
26 what was your first toy as a child?:teddy ruxbin
27 what class in school do you think is totally useless?:health class
28 what is the punch-line to your favorite joke:knee grows
29 do you like sappy love songs?: some
30 do you think your life so far has been good?: sometimes
31 which was your best halloween costume?:My mom made me a pumpkin costume I loved it and wore it for like 6 years.
32 have you ever been on radio or television?: no
33 do you keep a diary?: does live journal count?
34 have you ever intentionally hurt another person?: yes..but they deserved it
(A) physically: yes
(B) mentally: yes
(C) emotionally: yes
35 have you ever been in a mosh pit?: yes
36 what's the best concert you've been to?:mates of state and death cab for cutie
37 would you rather have a sore throat or an upset stomach?: diareha
38 what do you want to be remembered by?: a joke
39 what is the new saying that you've been using a lot?: out like a boner in sweatpants
40 do you keep your underwear and socks in the same drawer or in a separate one?: they never make it to the drawer
41 did you pay money to see "honey i shrunk the kids"?: No,and Iget free movies now
42 would you rather be hot or cold?: hot
43 did you ever like the spice girls?:no
44 what was the best christmas present you received?:smokes
45 could you be a vegetarian?: ya
46 what word do you use when you think something is good?:aww junk!
47 what band has the funniest name?: ?
48 would you ever bungee jump?: no
49 do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: No
50 would you rather wear uniforms to school?: No
51 have you ever given money to a hobo?: no I gave smokes to a bum in philllie once then he asked me for the whole pack.
52 what are you worried about right now?: getting up for work
53 do you ever wear overalls?: in like 3rd grade
54 do you think you are strong (emotionally)?: not at all
55 do you hate anyone?: yes
56 do you eat hot dogs?: smart dogs are good stuff
57 do you regret anything?: Yes
58 who do you love?: Andrew and my family
59 what's the craziest thing you've done?: thrown a used tampon at some dumb broad
60 what are you going to do after this?:have another beer and a smoke
61 what were you doing today?:slept in late then andrew's friends chilled
62 what's your favorite cartoon?: family guy/ simpsons
63 what's your ideal gf/bf?: My Andrew<33

killingboys @ 2004-01-06T03:17:00

2004-01-06T08:16:17Z

Tell Me About Your Sex Life? by electronicoffee
Username
Sexuality
Favorite Postion	you like to give oral
Secret Fetish	underwear/strip [on your partner]
Age of Lost Virginity	17
Bedroom Talent	you are very experienced

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You're sleeping around
Strangers think	You're gay
Friends think	You're wonderful

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

killingboys @ 2004-01-04T00:05:00

2004-01-04T05:04:00Z

Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel
Username?
Your Love Is...	Hard
During Lovemaking You Act...	Like a child, always playing
Your Partner Is...	Your slave
Your Partner Has Said That You...	Are their favorite person
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote.	"You deserve a bed of roses"

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

killingboys @ 2003-12-30T13:55:00

2003-12-30T19:06:14Z

so I bought a new book yesterday for 54 cents... shortly after I had discovered why it was 54 cents.This reason is because it is a terrible book.Its called a Massive Swelling.I asked myself why this book was so terrible, as I read a bit further I understood that she is a HIPPIE!This explains why all of her views are hypocritical, and is also reason 35265 why I fucking hate hippies.I have been contemplating writing her and telling her that she is a complete moron and that I bought her book for 54 cents on the clearance rack, also I would like to thank her for making me feel better about being a high school drop out. If you don't believe me on the quality of this book I will pay someone to read it for themselves.

good fucking morning

2003-12-29T13:05:57Z

Why the fuck am I up so damn early? I feel like the rest of the world is still sleeping right now. I hate it when i do this to myself, and I cant go back to sleep.I need to find a job...bad.I hate having all this time to myself.I mean its nice once in a while, but constantly? Maybe, just maybe Ill go look for a job today. At least that will give me something to do. Then I'm going to end up doing Andrew's grandpa's book keeping, and after that I have an apartment to clean from the events which took place last night.Haha I'll bet my bottom dollar that I dont accomplish anything today. Thats usually what happens.